From survival to living: Adam’s story

When Adam first began psychological therapy with Sonder, his world had become very small.

Every morning followed the same pattern: a trip to the supermarket, then to the bottle shop, and then the chemist. After that, he went straight home. For nearly two years, this routine was how Adam survived after discovering a close friend who had died by suicide in his home.

Once a barista who loved the rhythm of work and the social connection it brought, Adam had withdrawn almost entirely from his community. He was living with complex post-traumatic stress, severe anxiety, disrupted sleep, and an ever-present sense of danger. He avoided unfamiliar places, rarely socialised, and wore a body camera whenever he left the house.

Adam was constantly braced for the worst. Every environment felt unsafe.

Living with trauma in the body

An old shoulder injury sustained during childhood abuse flared after his friend’s death, becoming both physically debilitating and a powerful reminder of earlier trauma resurfacing under stress. The pain, combined with his heightened state of anxiety, ultimately forced Adam to leave his barista job.

Being inside his own home also triggered vivid flashbacks of the moment he found his friend, keeping his nervous system locked in a state of constant alert.

By the time his GP referred him psychological therapy, he was experiencing isolation, profound grief, and the many ripple effects of trauma.

From the very first session, Adam’s clinician at Sonder, Nikki, saw strength.

“He was incredibly psychologically aware,” Nikki recalls. “Very reflective, completely open to therapy, and he still had his humour. When he laughed, it was a big, full laugh. I instantly knew he was going to benefit from therapy.”

Creating safety before processing trauma

Together, Adam and Nikki began working with Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), a trauma-focused therapy designed to help the brain process distressing memories so they no longer feel as though they are happening in the present.

Before beginning trauma processing, Nikki worked with Adam to build a sense of internal safety.

One tool was a “container” — a mental space where overwhelming thoughts, memories, and sensations could be placed for safekeeping, rather than carried everywhere.

“It’s about giving the trauma somewhere to go so it’s not intruding into daily life,” Nikki explains. “You only open the container in therapy, when you’re ready.”

Another was a personalised “calm place” — a real or imagined mental space Adam could return to when anxiety surged. Unlike traditional meditation, this approach gave Adam control over what safety looked like for him, which was essential given his trauma history.

The turning point

After Adam’s second EMDR session, something changed.

The intrusive image of finding his friend in the laundry, once vivid and ever-present, began to shift. Instead of reliving that moment over and over, Adam could remember his friend as she had been in life.

“During EMDR, my distress went from ten down to a three in a single session,” Adam says. “From that point, I could talk about my friend and not break down. I could not believe how well it worked.”

Nikki noticed the change, too.

“He wasn’t re-experiencing the event every time he walked into his house anymore,” she says. “It became something that happened in the past, not something happening now.”

Around the same time, Adam began leaving the house without his body camera, at first intentionally. Eventually, he realised he didn’t even know where it was anymore, and he was okay without it.

Understanding himself differently

Alongside trauma therapy, Adam began learning more about how his brain and body work.

Through psychoeducation around trauma and neurodiversity, he recognised lifelong traits consistent with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and autism – qualities that had shaped his childhood, learning experiences, relationships, and sense of self.

“For him, it was a huge relief,” Nikki explains. “Many people with undiagnosed neurodiversity grow up thinking there’s something ‘wrong’ with them. Understanding that his brain simply works differently helped Adam let go of this shame.”

This new understanding extended to Adam’s body as well. He became more aware of how he held tension, how he moved, and how stress showed up physically. With support, he began practising mindful walking, slowing himself down, reducing strain on his joints, and learning gentler ways to regulate his nervous system.

Healing beyond the therapy room

Adam’s recovery at Sonder was also supported by a Clinical Care Coordinator, who helped connect him with practical support such as financial counselling, dental care, and optometry services – easing stressors that can otherwise stall healing.

Today, Adam attends a walking photography group and is repairing his relationship with his mother, supported by a new understanding of intergenerational trauma.

One of the biggest milestones is that he no longer avoids his home. The flashbacks have eased, positive memories of his friend have returned, and for the first time in years, the future feels bright.

Why trauma-informed care matters

Adam describes feeling “significantly better” since engaging in therapy and is now turning his attention to other long-standing challenges.

“I still have some things to work through, so I still see Nikki,” Adam says. “At the moment, my big goal for therapy is to tackle my social anxiety, which has impacted me for most of my life. I’m trying social groups and will be joining a Sonder therapy group in a couple of months.”

For Nikki, Adam’s story highlights what becomes possible when trauma-informed, holistic care is accessible.

“Trauma therapy shouldn’t be a luxury,” she says. “So many people who need it simply can’t afford it. This care needs to be accessible and delivered by well-trained clinicians. We’re lucky to be able to offer it at no cost to clients here at Sonder.”

That access changed everything for Adam – shifting his life from day-to-day survival to connection, meaning, and choice.

“Every time I talk about my progress, I can’t stop smiling,” Adam says. “I know I’m doing a good thing for myself. Life in general is so much more manageable now.”

When asked what he would say to someone considering therapy, Adam offers this encouragement:

“Fear can stop you from starting therapy, but accepting fear is the first step toward change. If you stay in that fear, you keep going backwards. If you face it, you can start moving towards positive change.”

Start your mental health journey with Sonder

Sonder’s free mental health services in Adelaide and regional South Australia provide support, guidance, and practical strategies to help you manage challenges, build resilience, and improve your wellbeing.

Our experienced clinicians offer a safe and supportive space to help you make meaningful changes in your life.

Visit sonder.net.au/mental-health to learn more about our many services and programs, or contact your local Sonder centre to speak with a member of our friendly team.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a life-threatening situation, please call Emergency Services on 000.

If you’re experiencing a mental health crisis, you can visit one of our walk-in mental health services as an alternative to the Emergency Department – Safe Haven in Salisbury, or Northern Adelaide Medicare Mental Health Centre in Elizabeth.